


Your Name is Charlie

by championadonis



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Boston Bruins Ensemble - Freeform, Character Study, Internalized Transphobia, Transphobia, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 02:14:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21236450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/championadonis/pseuds/championadonis
Summary: You wish to change the bulb in which people view you.





	Your Name is Charlie

Your name is Charlie.

You like to pretend it’s actually short for _Charlotte, _that the boys actually look at you and see a woman. You’re a little too burly when you look at yourself to see woman at times but that’s who you are.

Girl.

‘She’s pretty’ you think, whenever you see another girl walking around and owning it in downtown Boston. You think that if you could grow out your hair and shave more regularly you’d look more girl then you think you already do but being an athlete, a public figure, there’s certain expectations that come with it.

You tend to dress up at home in a bralette and panties, wear a skirt and cute blouse you wish you could wear out. You’re a girl and you only feel pretty when you’re alone. You wish that you could have more girl friends without the boys asking if you were getting any. You want to wear makeup but don’t know where to start and you know if the boys find out they’ll mock you to the ends of the Earth.

You wish the boys called you she and girl and pretty but instead they joke about it. Mocking you when you pin your hair back because “you’re not a girl dude”. Or whenever you use your chapstick, they’ll joke bout it being lipstick. You want to say that it doesn’t hurt, that you’re a big girl and can take it, but it does hurt. 

Sometimes you want to tell someone, desperate for someone to know that you’re a girl, that you’re pretty and want to be treated sweet but the only one you’d trust would be Z and you’re too uncomfortable to admit that your girl out loud sometimes.

You want to be able to play hockey the rest of your life and maybe when you retire and fade into the background you’ll be able to be girl out loud. Until then, you play hockey and pretend that you’re a boy. You think your existence is lonely, but when you’re alone, you can be who you are.

Your name is Charlie, short for Charlotte.

**Author's Note:**

> my brain wanted me to write thus i did.
> 
> i’m not a trans woman but i am trans and know what it’s like to want to be seen in a light that’s wrong and wanting to desperately change the bulb.


End file.
